Is Charlie Baker Banning 9 Volt Batteries Next?

According to a local homeless man, Charlie Baker considering a statewide ban on 9 volt batteries. There is a new epidemic of children getting a hold of these dangerous devices and putting them on their tongues in order to get a quick, cheap buzz. This dangerous new trend has parents in an uproar that they now have to keep watch over their own children. Several of the parents we spoke to have taken extra precautions to keep their child from “buzzing” and urge you to do the same. Barry E. stated, “We need to keep these dangerous high voltage batteries out of our children’s mouths. They are commonly found in our smoke detectors. Why does my phone charge on 5V but my smoke detector needs 9V? The only time my smoke detector does anything is when my wife burns dinner twice a month. If you have children, you need to remove these smoke detector batteries for their safety.” Charlie Baker has been misquoted as saying, “We will do anything in our power to keep our children safe and stop them from having any sort of fun. Besides, what are the odds there’s going to be a fire?”

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